[K824.Ebook] Fee Download Applied Statistics for Engineers and Scientists, by Jay L. Devore, Nicholas R. Farnum, Jimmy A. Doi

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This concise book for engineering and sciences students emphasizes modern statistical methodology and data analysis. APPLIED STATISTICS FOR ENGINEERS AND SCIENTISTS emphasizes application of methods to real problems, with real examples throughout. Available with InfoTrac Student Collections http://gocengage.com/infotrac.

• Sales Rank: #308028 in Books
• Brand: Brand: Cengage Learning
• Published on: 2013-08-08
• Original language: English
• Number of items: 1
• Dimensions: 1.10" h x 7.40" w x 9.20" l, 2.40 pounds
• Binding: Hardcover
• 656 pages

Features

• Used Book in Good Condition

Review
1. DATA AND DISTRIBUTIONS. Populations, Samples and Processes. Visual Displays for Univariate Data. Describing Distributions. The Normal Distribution. Other Continuous Distributions. Several Useful Discrete Distributions. Supplementary Exercises. Bibliography. 2. NUMERICAL SUMMARY MEASURES. Measures of Center. Measures of Variability. More Detailed Summary Quantities. Quantile Plots. Supplementary Exercises. Bibliography. 3. BIVARIATE AND MULTIVARIATE DATA AND DISTRIBUTIONS. Scatter Plots. Correlation. Fitting a Line to Bivariate Data. Nonlinear Relationships. Using More Than One Predictor. Joint Distributions. Supplementary Exercises. Bibliography. 4. OBTAINING DATA. Operational Definitions. Data from Sampling. Data from Experiments. Measurement Systems. Supplementary Exercises. Bibliography. 5. PROBABILITY AND SAMPLING DISTRIBUTIONS. Chance Experiments. Probability Concepts. Conditional Probability and Independence. Random Variables. Sampling Distributions. Describing Sampling Distributions. Supplementary Exercises. Bibliography. 6. QUALITY CONTROL. Terminology. How Control Charts Work. Control Charts for Mean and Variance. Process Capability Analysis. Control Charts for Attribute Data. Reliability. Supplementary Exercises. Bibliography. 7. ESTIMATION AND STATISTICAL INTERVALS. Point Estimation. Large-Sample Confidence Intervals for a Population Mean. More Large-Sample Confidence Intervals. Small-Sample Intervals Based on a Normal Population Distribution. Intervals for 1- 2 Based on a Normal Population Distributions. Other Topics in Estimation (Optional). Supplementary Exercises. Bibliography. 8. TESTING STATISTICAL HYPOTHESES. Hypotheses and Test Procedures. Tests Concerning Hypotheses About Means. Tests Concerning Hypotheses About a Categorical Population. Testing the Form of a Distribution. Further Aspects of Hypothesis Testing. Supplementary Exercises. Bibliography. 9. THE ANALYSIS OF VARIANCE. Terminology and Concepts. Single-Factor ANOVA. Interpreting ANOVA Results. Randomized Block Experiments. Supplementary Exercises. Bibliography. 10. EXPERIMENTAL DESIGN. Terminology and Concepts. Two-Factor Designs. Multifactor Designs. 2k Designs. Fractional Factorial Designs. Supplementary Exercises. Bibliography. 11. INFERENTIAL METHODS IN REGRESSION AND CORRELATION. Regression and Models Involving a Single Independent Variable. Inferences About the Slope Coefficient ss. Inferences Based on the Estimated Regression Line. Multiple Regression Models. Inferences in Multiple Regression. Further Aspects of Regression Analysis. Supplementary Exercises. Bibliography. APPENDIX TABLES. ANSWERS TO ODD-NUMBERED EXERCISES. INDEX.

About the Author
Jay Devore is Professor Emeritus of Statistics at California Polytechnic State University. He earned his undergraduate degree in Engineering Science from the University of California at Berkeley, spent a year at the University of Sheffield in England, and finished his Ph.D. in statistics at Stanford University. Jay previously taught at the University of Florida and at Oberlin College and has had visiting appointments at Stanford, Harvard, the University of Washington, New York University, and Columbia University. From 1998 to 2006, he served as Chair of the Cal Poly Statistics Department. In addition to this book, Jay has written several other widely used statistics texts for engineers and scientists and a book in applied mathematical statistics. He recently coauthored a text in probability and stochastic processes. He is the recipient of a distinguished teaching award from Cal Poly, is a Fellow of the American Statistical Association, and has served several terms as an Associate Editor of the "Journal of the American Statistical Association." In his spare time, he enjoys reading, cooking and eating good food, tennis, and travel to faraway places. He is especially proud of his wife, Carol, a retired elementary school teacher, his daughter Allison, who has held several high-level positions in nonprofit organizations in Boston and New York City, and his daughter Teresa, a high school teacher in Brooklyn.

Nicholas Farnum received his B.S. and Ph.D. in Mathematics from University of California at Irvine. He is currently a professor in the Information Systems and Decision Sciences Department at California State University, Fullerton. Professor Farnum has published several papers in applied and theoretical statistics and has also written texts in Quality Control and Forecasting. He is a member of the American Statistical Association and the Mathematical Association of America. In his spare time Professor Farnum enjoys cooking, playing music, and traveling.

Jimmy Doi earned his B.A. in Mathematics (minors in Biology, Chemistry, Japanese) from California State University, Northridge. He earned his masters and Ph.D. in Statistics at North Carolina State University. Since receiving his doctorate Professor Doi has been on the faculty in the Statistics Department at California Polytechnic State University, San Luis Obispo. His research interests include biostatistics and categorical data analysis. He enjoys traveling, kayak fishing, long board surfing, and playing basketball with his current and former students. But his favorite moments are when he spends time with his wife Midori and daughter Alicia.

Most helpful customer reviews

0 of 0 people found the following review helpful.
statistics for support rather than illumination
By Amazon Customer
This book did not explain the mathematical theory behind the calculation and use of the various statistical methods it presented. It merely showed how to obtain the desired results. Engineers and scientists of all people need to understand these things in order to avoid the misuse of statistical methods which is so prevalent.

How can outliers be reasonably identified? What does "degrees of freedom" really mean? Is a sample arbitrarily chosen from a group of random subsamples of a larger random sample still random? Sadly with this textbook students will learn to use statistics as a drunkard uses a lamppost: for support rather than illumination.

A second but less important omission: the homework questions make odd use of example data from real research papers. The data sets chosen are very small, even though all data sets are available for download in multiple file formats. Each question introduces a new study with a brief paragraph that somehow fails to reproducibly define the experiments actually performed. This makes for a lot of irrelevant reading and students quickly learn to skip this part of each question. Given that scientists and engineers will presumably be designing experiments, why not include some related details? Merely describing the data makes no logical contribution, except perhaps to suggest an "expected" outcome.

I have a degree in math and am seeking a degree in mechanical engineering.

0 of 0 people found the following review helpful.
Four Stars
By K. Baumann
had to order for class

0 of 0 people found the following review helpful.
Learned a lot from this book
By Michael Fiebig
I learned a lot from this book, but it could be written a little better. More examples can be given, and rather than assuming prior knowledge, it should re-explain the abbreviations they use and some of the more technical concepts, and show clearer step by step instructions.

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[H815.Ebook] PDF Download Game Programming Algorithms and Techniques: A Platform-Agnostic Approach (Game Design), by Sanjay Madhav

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Game Programming Algorithms and Techniques is a detailed overview of many of the important algorithms and techniques used in video game programming today. Designed for programmers who are familiar with object-oriented programming and basic data structures, this book focuses on practical concepts that see actual use in the game industry.

 

Sanjay Madhav takes a unique platform- and framework-agnostic approach that will help develop virtually any game, in any genre, with any language or framework. He presents the fundamental techniques for working with 2D and 3D graphics, physics, artificial intelligence, cameras, and much more.

 

Each concept is illuminated with pseudocode that will be intuitive to any C#, Java, or C++ programmer, and has been refined and proven in Madhav’s game programming courses at the University of Southern California. Review questions after each chapter help solidify the most important concepts before moving on.

 

Madhav concludes with a detailed analysis of two complete games: a 2D iOS side-scroller (written in Objective-Cusing cocos2d) and a 3D PC/Mac/Linux tower defense game (written in C# using XNA/ MonoGame). These games illustrate many of the algorithms and techniques covered in the earlier chapters, and the full source code is available at gamealgorithms.net.

 

Coverage includes

• Game time management, speed control, and ensuring consistency on diverse hardware
• Essential 2D graphics techniques for modern mobile gaming
• Vectors, matrices, and linear algebra for 3D games
• 3D graphics including coordinate spaces, lighting and shading, z-buffering, and quaternions
• Handling today’s wide array of digital and analog inputs
• Sound systems including sound events, 3D audio, and digital signal processing
• Fundamentals of game physics, including collision detection and numeric integration
• Cameras: first-person, follow, spline, and more
• Artificial intelligence: pathfinding, state-based behaviors, and strategy/planning
• User interfaces including menu systems and heads-up displays
• Scripting and text-based data files: when, how, and where to use them
• Basics of networked games including protocols and network topology

• Sales Rank: #377694 in Books
• Published on: 2013-12-29
• Original language: English
• Number of items: 1
• Dimensions: 9.00" h x .67" w x 7.00" l, 1.40 pounds
• Binding: Paperback
• 352 pages

About the Author

Sanjay Madhav is a lecturer at the University of Southern California, where he teaches several courses about and related to video game programming. Prior to joining USC full time, he worked as a programmer at several video game developers, including Electronic Arts, Neversoft, and Pandemic Studios. Although he has experience programming a wide range of systems, his primary interest is in gameplay mechanics. Some of his credited games include Medal of Honor: Pacific Assault, Tony Hawk’s Project 8 , Lord of the Rings: Conquest , and The Saboteur .

 

In 2008, Sanjay began teaching part-time at USC while still working full time in the game industry. After Pandemic Studios was shuttered at the end of 2009, he decided to refocus his efforts on teaching up-and-coming game programmers. His flagship course is an undergraduate-level game programming course that he has taught for more than ten consecutive semesters.

Most helpful customer reviews

16 of 16 people found the following review helpful.
Elegantly Concise and Engaging
By Nicholas Covey
When I ordered this book, I expected to receive another thick tome, typical of programming books. I was pleasantly surprised when I discovered how much less intimidating Madhav's book is; I was amazed at how thorough his coverage of the topics on game development were; and I found his writing style enjoyable and easy to understand. It is remarkable how he explains difficult and erudite topics with ease and simplicity; and, in truth, the pseudo-code he presents is far more readable, applicable, useful, and educational than actual code.

His "platform-agnostic approach" is not a gimmick: he teaches the fundamentals of game programming at a high level, yet devotes enough attention to different platforms that require unique considerations. If you're looking to develop for PC, mobile, or console in 2D or 3D: this book has it all.

His professional experience really shows in many cases (far more so than other run-of-the-mill game development books) where he addresses ways in which to increase workflow and productivity as well as source-control and sub-versioning for development teams.

This is definitely more of an introductory book than an advanced one, make no mistake. Madhav admits: "a seasoned game developer may not find that much in the way of new information in this book."

There are some subjects that he doesn't mention regarding game development, but this is because his book is primarily focused on (as the title states) "Algorithms and Techniques." That being said, don't expect something like Jason Gregory's "Game Engine Architecture." But because it doesn't try to cover every detail and aspect of development, it benefits by being much better organized and educational.

I would highly recommend this book to anyone looking to become a game programmer; and although many of the topics are at a college-level, a high school student will find this book informative and inspiring--Madhav certainly does a great job presenting some complex topics and provides two games for readers to build and expand upon, both of which have source code to download online.

As good as this book is, personally, I would like to see another book from him that covers a completely different set of game development topics--or perhaps more advanced ones. It is clear he enjoys teaching, and readers will enjoy learning from him.

4 of 4 people found the following review helpful.
Highly Recommend - Fantastically Written and Very Informative Book
By Sheehan
This books primary target is people new to or at a beginning level of game programming; however, intermediate and even advanced people would benefit from having this on hand as a resource to go back to. It has a good structure that allows a new programmer to learn the fundamentals and build upon that or a more experienced person to read about specific topics.

It's packed with a lot of information, concepts, and examples. One of its strong points is how applicable the material it presents is. Everything is implementable for your own game projects. It also includes tips and best practices that only someone with years of experience in the game industry would know. This book will put you on the fast-track to being a better game programmer. This book is better than books that get bogged down in the nitty-gritty, but if that's what you're looking for you can look at the Demos. You get the best of both worlds.

The author, Sanjay Madhav, is The Game Programming Professor at the University of Southern California's #1 Ranking USC Games program. He has been teaching for years and you can tell he is adept at explaining concepts and providing examples. Hundreds of his students have gone on to become successful game programmers and you can benefit from his experience, just like his students have, by buying this book. I highly recommend this book.

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful.
The perfect book for getting the exact right amount of detail for an overview of algorithms and techniques used in video games.
By Aaron Batilo
This is a fantastic book for an overview of many concepts used in video games. This book is definitely not meant to be used by people who have done very little programming or don't have a very good concept of various computer science topics. However, given that you have the proper background, Sanjay Madhav takes you on a journey through smooth and clear explanations of such important concepts. This book is light enough that you can get through it fairly quickly, but deep enough that you really do get familiar with the topics and terminology involved. There were a couple of times where I was frothing at the mouth only to have Sanjay write "but X is out of the scope of this book". Part of me is very sad that he didn't go into more detail on some topics, but at the same time I'm very happy that he made it so easy to fly through. For every chapter he provides additional resources that are specific to that topic, in the case that you want to go more in-depth with something he explains. To me this is invaluable, and I've already bought a hand full of books directly from these sections.

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[P458.Ebook] Ebook Download Chasing the Dead (David Raker), by Tim Weaver

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Chasing the Dead is the debut thriller from Tim Weaver, the first in the bestselling David Raker series and host of the chart-topping podcast Missing. One year ago, Alex Towne's body was found. One month ago, his mother saw him on the street. One week ago, David Raker agreed to look for him. Now he wishes he hadn't. Mary Towne's son, Alex, went missing six years ago. Five years later he finally turned up - as a corpse in a car wreck. Missing persons investigator David Raker doesn't want the work: it's clearly a sad but hopeless case of mistaken identity brought to him by a woman unable to let go of her son. But haunted by a loss of his own, Raker reluctantly agrees. Big mistake. For as he digs deeper, he discovers that Alex's life was not the innocent one his mother believed. Buried in his past are secrets that were never meant to be found - and dark, dangerous men willing to kill to protect them. Soon Raker will discover that there are things far worse than death . . . Fans of Linwood Barclay, Michael Connelly and Mo Hayder will love the David Raker thrillers. Chasing the Dead is the first in the series, followed by The Dead Tracks, Vanished, Never Coming Back and Fall From Grace. Praise for Tim Weaver: 'An impressive debut . . . Fans of Mo Hayder will be in seventh hell' Guardian 'Weaver has delivered another cracking crime thriller' Daily Mail 'I couldn't put it down' The Sun 'Weaver's books get better each time - tense, complex, sometimes horrific, written with flair as well as care' Guardian

• Sales Rank: #80939 in Books
• Published on: 2013-09-24
• Released on: 2013-09-24
• Format: International Edition
• Original language: English
• Number of items: 1
• Dimensions: 7.77" h x 1.13" w x 5.08" l, .71 pounds
• Binding: Paperback
• 448 pages

About the Author
Tim Weaver is the Sunday Times bestselling author of the David Raker Missing Persons Cases series. Weaver has been nominated for a National Book Award, selected for the Richard and Judy Book Club, and shortlisted for the Crime Writers' Association Dagger in the Library Award, which considers an author's entire body of work. He is also the host and producer of the chart-topping Missing podcast, which features experts in the field discussing missing persons investigations from every angle. A former journalist and magazine editor, he lives near Bath with his wife and daughter. TimWeaverBooks.com @TimWeaverBooks

Most helpful customer reviews

0 of 0 people found the following review helpful.
Four Stars
By Minu
Always a fan of tim weaver... Full of suspense..

0 of 0 people found the following review helpful.
Five Stars
By Linda Fourmy
Excellent

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful.
A confusing and complex story
By R T Twinem
This is the third Tim Weaver novel I have read and I must say it was somewhat of a disappointment. In September 2015 I read and really enjoyed What Remains the sixth David Raker novel and in particular the London setting with the use of old wooden piers and the thrills and sounds of Victorian amusement arcades.

Chasing the Dead is the first in the series and Raker is hired to find Alex Towne by his mother Mary, although reported dead she confirms, to our finder of lost people, that her son is alive...why because she saw him! Is this true or simply the delusions of a grieving mother refusing to let go of the memories of her son. The reader is then taken on a voyage of discovery as David Raker unearths clues (literally from the beach) and follows a trail that introduces us to numerous characters and places before the final showdown and the uncovering of the Calgary Project. The action is nonstop which makes for a very complex and hard to follow story, I found that I had constantly to backtrack to remind myself as to the identity of a particular character or location. Even now having finished the story I'm really not sure what it was all about and what actually happened....and this cannot be a good thing? Suffice to say there is a fanatical religious undertone to the proceedings and in the final pages a somewhat miraculous discovery about Alex Towne's family which I found somewhat unbelievable.

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Could running be considered a form of art?�
For the creators of this book, it most certainly is.�

Two long distance runners meet on the field of creativity...�

Feelings, thoughts, ideas, ponderings become transformed into images and poems which have running in common.�A playful and philosophical journey into the world of the runner through the visual art of Pola Hadjipapa and the poetry of Kostas Patinios.�
This is perhaps the only book where the three arts converge - running, poetry, and painting.�

Because happiness is a choice in motion...

• Sales Rank: #3860523 in Books
• Published on: 2015-07-31
• Original language: English
• Number of items: 1
• Dimensions: 7.99" h x .19" w x 7.99" l, .39 pounds
• Binding: Paperback
• 74 pages

From the Author
Introduction

Considering that both have been runners and creators for years, it was inevitable that their paths would eventually intersect. Feelings, thoughts, ideas, ponderings, images, shapes and colours experienced while running are expressed in drawings, collages, sketches, poems and narrations.

It all started when Kostas asked Pola to "marry" a poem that he had just written on the subject of running to a sketch of hers that he had seen on social media. The "marriage" was an auspicious union of two runners-creators. Earlier that morning Pola had gone for a run next to the sea - her every step a game with the waves, up and down, back and forth. Her sketch - a simple, playful line with circles and curves - reflected the question that Kostas�posed�in his poem: "If feet had brushes, what shapes would they draw?"

Over the next ten�months�Kostas and Pola conversed through drawings and texts... At times, Pola would initiate by sending Kostas one of her sketches; at other times, Kostas would create first. It soon became apparent that their common subject matter, running, is a way of life and an endless source of inspiration for both.

In the book that ensued from their collaboration, the drawings and poems are presented in chronological order. Perhaps the reader can trace, step by step, how colour�moves�into black and white sketches, and how a runner's feelings and thoughts transform kilometres into verses and images.

The journey had already begun; the publication of this book was simply one stop along the way. Runners in Cyprus are essentially a large group of�friends,�since they all know each other more or less. And when they run, their feelings are more easily expressed; they talk, laugh, argue, even cry... The moment you pick up the book and start leafing through it, you automatically become their fellow traveller. Happy trails!

Most helpful customer reviews

0 of 0 people found the following review helpful.
Must Read!
By FIVOS KONTEMENIOTIS
Kostas and Pola have put together a book that blends beautifully poetry and art. As a runner, I loved "Art on the Run", because it conveys the personal journey of two artists and long distance runners. As the introduction states… " The moment you pick up the book and start leafing through it,you automatically become their fellow traveler. Happy trails!" Highly recommended!

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful.
MUST read!!!
By Nayiri Yildizian
When two top runners and artists in their own respective ways meet than the result is this simply amazing MUST read book! If you love running, poetry and art then you should definitely buy this book. Highly recommended!

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful.
A must read!
By Christopher Markides
An excellent mix of poetry and visual art which should keep any follower of the genre happy. Patinios' deep and thought provoking poems are perfectly complemented by Hadjipapas' wonderful visual depictions.

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[Y610.Ebook] Download PDF Retail Management: A Strategic Approach, by Barry Berman, Joel R. Evans

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For courses in Retailing and Retail Management, offered by departments of Marketing and Fashion Merchandising programs at 2-year and 4-year colleges; and for a graduate-level course in Retail Management in MBA programs. This best seller provides a balance between theory and practice, useful career information, and a comprehensive package of ancillaries. It takes a strategic approach to decision making.

• Sales Rank: #5933563 in Books
• Published on: 1979-05-03
• Original language: English
• Binding: Hardcover
• 640 pages

From the Publisher
This substantial revision of the market leader retains a strategic orientation with an all new full-color design and all new boxed material on international and ethical issues and retailing in practice. It provides a good balance between theory and practice, useful career information, and a comprehensive package with four brand new ancillaries. All new end-of-part comprehensive cases and new video cases.

From the Back Cover

Capture the new spirit of retailing in an e-Commerce world in Retail Management, eighth edition

• Each chapter includes an important practical application of the Web, from Barnes and Noble's return policy for on-line purchases to how retailers often visit merchandise marts such as Americasmart and CaliforniaMart when making buying decisions.
• Technology in Retailing boxes in each chapter cover such topics as comparison shopping, electronic gift cards, and shopping centers versus cybermalls.
• Web-based exercises appear at the end of every chapter and two of the Comprehensive Cases relate to Web-based companies.
• A comprehensive Web site includes an interactive study guide, over 1,000 hot links, a glossary, and much more.

come and visit us at:

• www.prenhall.com/bermanevans

About the Author

BARRY BERMAN (Ph.D. in Business with majors in Marketing and Behavioral Science) is the Walter H. "Bud" Miller Distinguished Professor of Business and Professor of Marketing and International Business at Hofstra University. JOEL R. EVANS (Ph.D. in Business with majors in Marketing and Public Policy) is the RMI Distinguished Professor of Business and Professor of Marketing and International Business at Hofstra University.

While at Hofstra, each has been honored as a faculty inductee in Beta Gamma Sigma honor society, received multiple Dean's Awards for service, and been selected as the Teacher of the Year by the Hofstra M.B.A. Association. For several years, Drs. Berman and Evans were co-directors of Hofstra's Retail Management Institute and Business Research Institute. Both regularly teach undergraduate and graduate courses to a wide range of students.

Barry Berman and Joel R. Evans have worked together for more than 20 years in co-authoring several best-selling texts, including Retail Management: A Strategic Approach, Eighth Edition. They have also consulted for a wide variety of clients, ranging from small "mom-and-pop" retailers to Fortune 500 companies. They are co-founders of the American Marketing Association's Special Interest Group in Retailing and Retail Management, and currently serve on its board. They recently co-chaired the Academy of Marketing Science/American Collegiate Retailing Association's triennial conference. "Retailing 2000: Launching the New Millennium." In 1999, they were featured speakers at the annual meeting of the National Retail Federation, the world's largest retailing trade association. Each has a chapter on retailing in the most recent edition of Dartnell's Marketing Manager's Handbook

Barry and Joel are both active Web practitioners (and surfers), and they have written and developed all of the content for the comprehensive, interactive Web site that accompanies Retail Management (www.prenhall.com/bermanevans ). They may be reached through the Web site or by writing to mktbxb@Hofstra.edu (Barry Berman) and mktjre@Hofstra.edu (Joel R. Evans).

Most helpful customer reviews

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful.
Perfect introductory guide to the world of retailing
By Amazon Customer
The content is extensive and in general well explained. Retail Management is a well rounded for those wishing to learn the basics of this type of business. It can be a bit tedious in some chapters but overal is a great book. 9/10.

0 of 0 people found the following review helpful.
Excellent text. Much of this will already be known ...
By Playa
Excellent text. Much of this will already be known if you are a business student but if you are going into retail management or running a startup this text is very valuable and is probably a lot cheaper than a newer textbook. Information is still very accurate though.

0 of 0 people found the following review helpful.
Perfect
By lori jones
It was exactly what I needed. It was in excellent condition, exactly as advertised.

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[H855.Ebook] Free PDF I Had a Nice Time And Other Lies...: How to Find Love & Sh*t Like That, by The Betches

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The New York Times bestselling authors of Nice Is Just a Place in France and creators of the online humor and advice phenomenon Betches.com and Instagram account @Betches return to explain the brutal truths of how to date like a true betch, with insights from the Head Pro.

In the age of Tinder, Hinge, or any other dating app that matches you with randos, the dating game has grown complex and confusing. Cue the Betches—first, we helped you win at basically everything, and now we’re going to help you win the most important battle a betch can face: dating.

Maybe you’re a Delusional Dater who needs to get in touch with reality (seriously, he’s just NOT that f***ing into you) or perhaps you’re a TGF who needs to stop being so desperate and start playing the game. Or maybe you’re just tired of swiping left and ready for the pro of your dreams to put a 15-karat diamond ring on it so you can stop pretending to do work. Either way, we’ve got you covered.

So put away the Ben & Jerry’s fro-yo (just because it’s low fat doesn’t mean it’s okay to eat the whole tub) and start dating like a winner.

• Sales Rank: #11993 in Books
• Brand: GALLERY
• Published on: 2017-04-11
• Released on: 2017-04-11
• Original language: English
• Dimensions: 8.37" h x 1.10" w x 5.50" l,
• Binding: Paperback
• 352 pages

Features

• GALLERY

Review
Praise for I Had A Nice Time And Other Lies...

"Guys are a nightmare. Dating is a nightmare. I'm a nightmare. But this book makes sense of it all, which is all I could ask of a romance novel. This was a romance novel right?" (Babe Walker, New York Times bestselling author of PSYCHOS: A White Girl Problems Book)

"A necessity for any girl who doesn’t want to die alone. Blunt, irreverent, and oh-so-spot on, I only ever want the cold, hard truth from a betch." (New York Times bestselling author Jessica Knoll)

"Are you a betch looking for love? The meme queens behind online phenom @Betches pack their dating bible with Beyonc� quotes, Bridesmaids references...and legit advice." (Cosmopolitan)

Praise for The Betches

“If you’re not following [the] Betches already, then what have you even been doing all this time on Instagram?” (Vogue)

“Because we’re all a little betchy.” (Buzzfeed)

“The creators of Betches Love This tackle life’s difficult challenges (frenemies, boyfriends, hangovers) with a satirical guide about ‘how to win at basically everything.’” (Marie Claire, on NICE IS JUST A PLACE IN FRANCE)

“Few . . . skewer the artificial life so sharply.” (Rolling Stone)

"[The Betches'] website and bestselling book...are satisfying because they're anthropologically detailed and because they spell out stuff people think but don't always want to say out loud, just like a good shit-talking betch should." (Jezebel, on NICE IS JUST A PLACE IN FRANCE)

About the Author
The Betches were born knowing exactly what they want and how to get it.

Excerpt. � Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
I Had a Nice Time And Other Lies... Introduction
Oh hey weirdo who reads dating books. Just coming home from that guy’s apartment, the guy you swore you were going to have “the talk” with two years ago? Watching Orange Is the New Black for the third consecutive Saturday night? Consistently looking at engagement rings on Pinterest even though you haven’t had a steady boyfriend in a while? You’ve come to the right place, Katherine Heigl. While most dating books are for newly divorced housewives with no marketable skills and girls who eat their feelings, this one is different. We’re not going to give you step-by-step instructions on how to successfully date and marry the man of your dreams or even give you anecdotal evidence of that one girl who gained forty pounds and her boyfriend still loved her anyway. (The only way that won’t matter is if he’s also fat and/or works for her rich father and has an eye on the corner office.) We’re here to tell you all those “road maps to finding The One” are bullshit, and the only way to master the art of not dying alone is realizing that dying alone is no big deal when you’re going into the white light alongside the greatest person you know: You.

Most dating books will make you feel like a hopeless nicegirl, her lifeless body destined to be found among her twenty-seven cats while Taylor Swift’s “oldies but goodies” play on repeat. This book will betch slap you to reality, help you get your shit together, and remind you that the old Tay was lame as fuck.

Forgot What a Nicegirl Is?

“The nicegirl plays by the rules without ever questioning them. She’s dull, lacks depth, allows people to walk all over her yet brings nothing to the table herself. If she disappeared, you wouldn’t even notice. She’s the girl who rarely colors outside the lines of her life, and even then only in baby pink. She’s the kind of girl who uses a real bookmark. In other words, she’s boring as fuck.”

—The Betches

Contrary to popular belief, you’re not born knowing how to date and you have a lot of shit to learn. Plus, we’re not here to sugarcoat dating advice. Adding sugar to anything is going to seriously limit your dating prospects. So break out the Splenda, throw your cats out the window, and get in, loser; we’re going to fix your fucked-up love life.

But first, one of life’s major questions (besides the most obvious: “Is butter a carb?”): Why even be in a relationship in the first place?

“I think we can all agree that sleeping around is a great way to meet people.”

—Chelsea Handler

The answer to this question seems to be obvious (duh, how else are you going to fulfill your dreams of having an envy-inducing wedding, popping out gorgeous kids with ironic first names, and packing cute little gluten- and dairy-free lunches?) but it turns out it’s more complicated than it initially appears. Why even have a boyfriend? Unless you’re like extremely religious—in which case you’re already offended by much of this book—you don’t need to date to have sex. You don’t need to date to have kids (hello, in vitro). And you definitely don’t have to date to be reminded how amazing and beautiful you are. That’s what your grandma is for.

Being in a relationship isn’t always fun anyway. All of a sudden you have someone who wants to know where you are, what you’re doing, and to whom you’re sending Snapchats all the fucking time. It’s like, why are you so obsessed with me? If you’re with the right person, however, it can be super fun, and from a purely selfish standpoint at the very least you’ll learn a lot about yourself with each new relationship you fuck up. You’ll get to discover interesting new things about yourself like that you can be really bitchy when you’re hungry and that you could never handle dating a guy with just a green Amex. He might as well pay with food stamps.

But finding that person isn’t easy�.�.�. and if it is easy, then you’re probably in that relationship for the wrong reasons. If you’re lonely, get a friend. If you want attention, go on The Bachelor. If you want to have sex, walk outside.

The only reason you should be in a relationship is because your boyfriend/fianc�/husband/lover adds something awesome to your life, not because he completes it. You’re a betch, you have the privilege of your own company. You’re a hot commodity and your time and, more important, your affection are valuable, so why would you let just anyone in? I mean, would Beyonc� date Kevin Federline? Exactly.

Dating Exercise

Ask yourself: Is he the Jay Z to your Beyonc�?

If no: Dump him

If yes: Keep him

If maybe: What kind of car does he drive?

“There’s nothing worse than the girl who has never been single.”

—The Betches

It’s better to be alone than to be with someone who sucks. While having a boyfriend has its perks, so does being single. For instance, you can go out whenever you want. You can make out with whomever you want. And if it’s been a long winter, you don’t even have to shave your vag. Win, win, win.

“Better alone than badly accompanied.”

—Candace Bushnell, Sex and the City

One is not better than the other. It’s about where you are in your life and what’s best for you in the moment. If you think that a relationship is the key to your happiness you’re as delusional as Karen.

Who the Fuck Is Karen?

Karen is our extremely delusional friend. She doesn’t live in reality. She constantly thinks guys are into her who are clearly not. She’s terrible at reading signals, and her mom is the only person who believes that Karen has a boyfriend. Really, Karen’s “boyfriend” is the guy she fucked three times who finally asked for her number. Don’t be a Karen.



WHY SHOULD YOU LISTEN TO US?
If you’re a smart betch, you’ve already read our first book and learned how to win at basically everything. You learned the pitfalls of being too nice, what friends are socially acceptable to chill with, and to never ever admit that you don’t know shit about wine. But what about dating? Yes, we covered that, too, but a lot has changed. We’ve grown up and the rules are different. Suddenly, it’s sort of okay to online date, and the thought of being kind and caring to a guy is starting to not disgust you.

The simple truth is that dating in college and dating when you’re in the state of mind to fuck around is a very different ball game than dating in the real world. There comes a point in every young betch’s life when she gets bored of her thrice-weekly clubbing excursions and shambling to work hungover every Thursday. She realizes that she might have to entertain the idea of settling down into a long-term relationship, if only because everything else seems boring as fuck and she’s already been to Ibiza three times. If you haven’t hit that point yet, you will eventually. Even Paris Hilton doesn’t want to be known as “that old bitch in the club” forever. No one likes a washed-up party girl, so eventually you’re going to need to learn how to master the art of a long-term, committed relationship.

“Much of my high-jinks have been drug-related. When you’re under 30, whatever, but once you’re past 40 it’s just ugly.”

—Courtney Love

Unlike our grandparents, who actually needed to be married in order to leave their parents’ houses, the modern betch can have an entire fulfilling life alone and with her besties. We don’t need to accept the first man who offers us a four-karat ring, because we have options. We can be anything we want to be. This often means we settle down later in the game.

“When are you getting married? Dating anyone lately? How’s that boy you were talking to last year, you know, the one whose parents were lawyers? He was nice,” your parents and grandparents might ask you to death. But don’t listen to them. All your grandma is concerned about is being alive for your wedding and all your mom is doing is comparing you to her own situation. She was married by twenty-five, and your grandma has only ever slept with one man. They had different pressures then, and that’s why they’re applying the same pressure to you. Don’t get mad at them, just be like Yah dating a few guys! Have a date tonight actually. Will let you know how it goes! Then hang up and resume your Thursday night binge of Scandal and weed.

For our parents’ and grandparents’ generation, the name of the game was dependence. Getting out of the house, finding a husband to take care of you, popping out six kids. It was like passing the torch from your parents to your partner as the person who became responsible for you. But now it’s all about independence for women�.�.�. which is fucking amazing, but admittedly sometimes stressful because of that extreme pressure you may receive from your family who know nothing, Jon Snow.

Okay, so I’ll just like, settle down when I’m bored and I feel like it, you think, stupidly. False. Most people suck at relationships and if you’re a real betch, you’re probably one of them. Our independent lifestyles full of Chanel bags, bottomless brunches, and yacht weeks are amazing, but they often leave us ill prepared for the world of real-life dating. Catch-22: It’s precisely because we have so much fun on our own that dating can be so hard.

A time comes in a betch’s life when she’s gone to her one-thousandth single-girls night out and sort of feels tired of it all. The long pregames, the cocaine hangovers, sex with the guy whom she would never actually date once she got to know him—it becomes a drag. At this point she might say, Hey, I’ve been single for enough time. I think I’m ready to find the perfect boyfriend who I can marry someday! Oh yay I’m excited. Thinking you can magically enter the perfect relationship as soon as you’ve decided it’s time is simply wrong. Most betches are quick to admit that they’re bad at things like snowboarding or making their beds, but when it comes to relationships everyone is under the delusional impression that they can figure it out the first time they try. Do you think your spin instructor mastered her tap back the first time she stepped on the bike? No. Exactly.

So how will this new adult relationship differ from your college routine of balancing three back-burner bros and a shady asshole bro more seamlessly than your homework assignments? Sadly, it’s going to involve some actual effort on your part and some important realizations. Dating and sex after college when you’re looking for somebody who has the potential for marriage involve actual self-reflection and sacrifice. Vom, we know, but like, it’s true.

We’re here to teach you how to remain a powerful, confident, independent betch while finding love. We’ll give you the secrets to staying hot and desired through every stage of your relationship, making sure your sex life doesn’t go to shit, and giving you the keys to let go of the awful guys you’ve entertained in the past to make room for the pro of your dreams. We’ve mastered the art of dating with the help of asshole bros, extra-nice guys, awkward situations, and too many vodka sodas, and we think we’re going to make it out alive. So now it’s time to pass on our divine truths to you.

You write us hundreds of thousands of “Dear Betch” letters looking for the keys to coming out on top while getting the most out of your “relationships” and lucky for you we’ve compiled this plethora of dating knowledge into a nonpathetic guide. You’re welcome.

While reading this book, remember the cardinal rule of betchdom: Don’t take yourself or anyone around you that seriously. There are some real truth gems in here but read this book however the fuck you want. Don’t be a trying-too-hard loser and highlight this shit or give it to your dud nicegirl friend to outline and summarize. Dating, much like this book, is supposed to be fun and light so have a laugh, bask in our awesomeness, and don’t you dare pick up any other dating book but this one. No one wants to date the girl whose bookshelf is lined with The Rules and Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus.

Sure you’re going to fuck up our advice. A lot. We’ve fucked it up, too. A lot. That’s why we’re so smart. We’ve been around the block and learned the hard way. And honestly, we’re still learning. It’s important to remember through all your shitty dates, vicious fights, and nasty breakups that at the end of the day, whoever locks you down is fucking incredibly lucky and all the shit you’ve been through to find him will be worth it. There is no one out there like you and you are amazing, so even if you have days/weeks/months where you’re feeling discouraged or lonely (gross) make like Dory from that movie where she has Alzheimer’s and just keep swimming.

It’s Me, the Head Pro. ’Sup?

Hi there. If you’ve looked to the Betches for dating advice prior to the year 0 BIHANTAOL (that’s Before I Had a Nice Time and Other Lies, obviously), then we know each other. Not like, biblically, though I guess anything is possible. I mean that I’m the Head Pro, the Betches’ resident guy expert for all what the fuck does this text even mean? issues, and chances are if you’ve sought advice, your e-mail has come through my in-box. I give betches advice. Solicited advice, unlike that guy Corey in your hall freshman year, who—news flash—was just trying to fuck you.

As you read this book, you’ll see me pop in and out with my perspective on common dating shit. How soon is too soon to make a reservation for two (or more, if you like to party) at the Bone Zone Cafe? What are some dealbreakers that will cause your love interest to throw himself from the nearest tall building, resigning you to a life of loneliness and puppy Instagrams?

We can do this, together, you and I.

HAVING A BOYFRIEND FOR THE SAKE OF HAVING A BOYFRIEND
Just don’t do it. A lot of (sad) girls go to bed at night fantasizing how nice it would be to finally become the girlfriend of the guy she’s been pining over since her sophomore year of college. But what these girls need to realize is that just because he is their crush, just because they lie there thinking oh my god he’s so cute I’m definitely in love, he is only that. A fucking crush. This guy is an illusion, a hologram of your perfect boyfriend with the face and body of the guy you think would look good with you in couples pics on Instagram. You’re not in love. You definitely don’t know this bro well enough to “love him,” and if you ever got together you would probably realize that he sucks.

Dreaming about having a boyfriend is pathetic because it assumes that you need a guy to make you happy. By no means are we advocating that you should stay single forever. We just mean that a man should complement you, not complete you. Once you realize that you don’t need a boyfriend to make your life amazing, only then might you actually find a boyfriend.

“He’ll come when you’re not looking/least expect it,” says everyone you ever spoke to about the hardships of being single whom you subsequently wanted to shoot in the eye. But the root of your anger for said people is because deep down you know it’s true. Don’t be thirsty for a boyfriend. Don’t be the girl who wants to leave a perfectly fun pregame because you don’t want to date any of the guys there. Don’t be so transparently desperate. Everyone will smell the desperation and walk the other way. Including your friends.

The moment you realize that you don’t need to be completed is the moment when you are open to finding someone with whom you can share your green juices, summer weekends, and HBO Sunday nights, otherwise known as your happiness.

Note we used the word “share.” When you share something with someone it means you are confident and content enough with what you have to give a piece of it away. The same goes with your happiness in relationships. Let’s put this a little bit less abstractly. Say your bestie asks to borrow a black crop top. You’re like, Yeah def, you’ll look way hot in this one (you, of course, look hotter, but no need to say it aloud). Next day she gives it back to you but is like, I’m so sorryyyyy but it’s stained. I tried everything. Don’t hate me. You look at it, you look at her, you look at your drawer full of other black crop tops, and say, OMG don’t worry! There’s more where that came from! Love you, Betch.

But now let’s say a three-month relationship you’re in turns to shit. A can’t-be-salvaged type of situation. The guy hurt you and he’s a dick for it, but do not cry yourself to sleep every night to a Nicholas Sparks movie marathon because this guy completed you and now you don’t know what to do without him. Because you know you were complete before him, instead you say, Fuck it and fuck him. It’s NBD, there’s more where that came from. This guy is your black crop top that got stained. If you know there’s always more where that came from, it’ll be easy to brush off the ones that are defective and bad for your look.

“It is a love based on giving and receiving as well as having and sharing. And the love that they give and have is shared and received. And through this having and giving and sharing and receiving, we too can share and love and have�.�.�. and receive.”

—Joey Tribbiani

Sure, you may find someone who you think is the perfect guy for you for forever, but there’s no guarantee that will always be the case. People change, betches are a force and we’re constantly evolving. I mean, when the concept of marriage was invented we were all going to die at like, forty-five years old. The average now is like, a hundred or something. That’s an additional 16,500 fewer calories or like, 5 pounds extra fucking birthday cake. Talk about a way fatter commitment.

Ultimately, your goal should be to meet a guy with whom you can enjoy your respective lives. He should share your values because you need to make decisions together in the future, as well as your interests because you need someone with whom to go shopping for expensive French wine. Having a life partner means that you can no longer do whatever the fuck you want. You can’t like, not tell that person what you were doing because that’s lying. And you definitely can’t be shady. This sort of sounds miserable, right? Well that’s why you shouldn’t just date anyone. You shouldn’t just accept any guy as your boyfriend because you like, want a boyfriend that week. You should date someone for whom it’s worth giving up those freedoms. Freedoms like getting drunk and making out with whomever at whichever bar, not having anyone nag you about something you don’t care about (i.e., bills and wearing sunscreen and eating froyo for dinner five nights a week without judgment). When you have a boyfriend you want him to be someone you don’t want to be shady with, someone whom you want to tell everything you did that day, someone for whom you consider wearing a midriff-covering top. You’ll know you’re in love when your boyfriend wants to know what you had for brunch with your besties and you also like, can’t wait to tell him you ate next to nothing.
QUOTES ABOUT LOVE AND WHY THEY’RE BULLSHIT
Since like, forever, people have been writing, singing, texting, rapping, whatever, about love. But because there’s such an expansive amount of “wisdom” about the topic, and because the opinions of annoying hopeless romantics have deeply infiltrated our society, there’s like, a lot of fucking bullshit out there. As betches, we are known for cutting the shit, and that’s why we’re going to break down the most clich�d sayings about love right here.

“Absence makes the heart grow fonder.” Does it? DOES IT? Or is the saying, “Out of sight, out of mind” more true? These are two completely opposite pieces of advice regarding love that are repeated everywhere you go. One says that the time spent away from a loved one makes you closer to them. The other says that the time spent away will make you eventually forget them. So like, which one fucking is it?

Actually, we decided to pay attention in this one class this one time and we learned that according to some studies, the latter is the answer. Longer periods of time spent away from a loved one will make the feeling of hurt and longing crumble away. This agrees nicely with its counterpart phrase, “Time heals all wounds.” Of course, a few days away from your boyfriend might make you want him more, but if you’re looking to get over someone you better unfollow the fuck out of him on Instagram.

“Love is blind.” People love whomever they want. Straight, homosexual, asexual, the list goes on. Of course, in that way love is blind. But when I notice my boyfriend has been eating four-too-many Shake Shack burgers lately, that’s definitely a reason to put my cute little pedicured foot down. No one is blind to the dad bod, not even love.

“Opposites attract.” Like, they don’t really. Okay, if you’re a blonde and are really attracted to a brunet, maybe that’s the case. But a boyfriend who shares the same values as you (family, money, and other serious shit) is probably a better choice than one who cares about stuff you find unimportant.

Your boyfriend may know everything there is to know about politics and you may know everything there is to know about the Kardashians, but you still have an appreciation for spending time with your families. The politics/pop culture differences don’t make you opposites, they suggest you might have slightly different interests. But the fact that you both sincerely care about staying close with your siblings and want to spend money on traveling means that you technically are more similar than you are different.

Also, a lot of people tend to be attracted to people who share physical traits of theirs. This is probably a manifestation of a betch’s true desire to date herself, which is sort of impossible, so she dates someone who looks like her. So really what’s the correct answer? There isn’t one. Love whom you want to love, and leave us the fuck alone.

“All is fair in love and war.” You may have heard this one from How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days. Last time we checked it’s not cool to waterboard your boyfriend for forgetting to ask for spicy mayo. Not the best example, but then again in war you can spy, kill, torture, or any of that other cray shit we saw in Zero Dark Thirty. That shit’s not really applicable in love. You can’t just do whatever you want, ruin as many people’s lives just so long as you can make a name for yourself as an investigatory journalist for the sake of love. In other words, you can’t just be an asshole because you’re into someone.

“You Don’t Know You’re Beautiful, That’s What Makes You Beautiful.” Ummm, fairly certain my bimonthly eyebrow threading, eyelash extensions, and $100-a-tube bronzer help make me beautiful. Like, obviously we try to be humble about it, but if we’re hot, and we know we’re hot, Harry Styles would definitely be into it. Also, if you’re walking around crying that you’re not gorgeous but you look like Kendall Jenner, no one, I repeat no one will want you, you grotsky little biatch.

“All you need is love.” Pretty sure we also need water, food, shelter, vodka, and Netflix.

“You Complete Me.” Don’t even. Just don’t even.
CUE THE TEARS AND CHOCOLATE: THERE’S NO SUCH THING AS A SOUL MATE
Let go of the ridiculous notion of “The One.” Do it, right now. Shut your eyes, picture the words “The One” and then crush them in your mind-vise. There’s no such thing as a soul mate. Besides the fact that that term is as gag inducing as the thought of eating anything off the McDonald’s dollar menu sober, the concept of soul mates always was, is now, and will always be bullshit. Why? Because there are over seven billion people in the world, and more than just one of them is right for you.

The right guy for you is the guy who wants what you want at the same time as you. That’s called luck and some people get lucky a lot. Some people get lucky less often. Some people meet a person who’s great for them when they’re seventeen and live happily ever after or until they’re so bored they want to shoot themselves in the face. Some people won’t meet them until they’re forty-five or eighty or never.

The one thing we’re convinced of is that there are definitely people out there who are better suited for you than others. If you want to call these people “ones” you can, but the important thing to remember is that there isn’t just one of them. The only reason the term “The One” exists is because the phrase “I’ve finally found the one of a dozen guys out there for me” somehow sounds less romantic.

“There is no such thing as a soul mate�.�.�. and who would want there to be? I don’t want half of a shared soul. I want my own damn soul.”

—Rachel Cohn and David Levithan, some authors

The thing to remember is that it’s not just about finding the person for you. It’s about finding a person who’s right for you at the exact same time that you are right for them. Some people will meet ten guys who are compatible with them and some will meet one or even none. Some women meet a guy who’s super compatible for what she wants in the moment, but he couldn’t be less ready for a relationship. Don’t let this information discourage you. You wouldn’t want there to be a perfect prince who completes you, because, like we said, you don’t need completing. Plus, we just told you there’s no such thing as one soul mate so your chances of finding someone just increased by like, a billion percent. Math, fucking duh.

By picking up this book you’re one step closer to not taking dating so seriously and by doing so, cultivating your love of yourself and learning more about what makes you tick and who you are. That doesn’t mean it’s ever okay to pluck your chin in front of a guy, but it does mean that you can have a great time while growing in life, and that includes relationships.

Try to have fun and find someone who supports you. Sometimes you’ll fuck that up, most people do. But who gives a shit? Happiness is not about your destination, it’s about how on point your hair looks during the ride.

So get ready, Betches, we’re about to drop some truth bombs onto your beautifully balayaged heads.

Most helpful customer reviews

2 of 2 people found the following review helpful.
Hilarious!
By Lindsey
I finished this book in like 2 days! I couldn't put it down. I wouldn't want my family to read it, especially with how much I like it! It is hilarious and sarcastic and actually teaches you a thing or two! It's for entertainment purposes only and people need to understand that. People who don't like this book are probably the people you don't want in your life anyway! No one needs that kind of negativity! I loved nice is just a place in France and the sequel did not disappoint me! Better read for someone in their 20's and 30's rather than a married woman who is terrified that her husband is out cheating and hates every girl on the planet. I hope there is another book out soon!

2 of 2 people found the following review helpful.
Obsessed!
By L. Kasner
A must-read! I recently got out of a long term relationship and just re-entered the world of dating. I thought I was doing it all right until guys stopped wanting to go out with me. After reading this book, I now understand that I was doing it ALL WRONG! I am so thankful for this book.

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful.
So funny oh my god I cried while reading this
By Brittany L.
So funny oh my god I cried while reading this. If you have a funny care free group of friends you will all die laughing over this book. Ive sent pictures of pages so many times to my friends. I'm ready for boom three I need more from the betches asap can we have a betches happy hour soon ?

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