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How to Argue & Win Every Time: At Home, At Work, In Court, Everywhere, Everyday, by Gerry Spence
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The Laws of Arguing According to Gerry Spence
1. Everyone is capable of making the winning argument.
2. Winning is getting what we want, which also means helping "others" get what they want.
3. Learn that words are a weapon, and can be used hostilely in combat.
4. Know that there is always a "biological advantage" of delivering the TRUTH.
5. Assault is not argument.
6. Use fear as an ally in pubic speaking or in argument. Learn to convert its energy.
7. Let emotions show and don't discourage passion.
8. Don't be blinded by brilliance.
9. Learn to speak with the body. The body sometimes speaks more powerfully than words.
10. Know that the enemy is not the person with whom we are engaged in a failing argument, but the vision within ourselves.
- Sales Rank: #15209 in Books
- Brand: St Martin s Press
- Published on: 1996-04-15
- Released on: 1996-04-15
- Ingredients: Example Ingredients
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 232.16" h x 21.46" w x 6.08" l, .77 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 320 pages
- St Martin s Press
From Publishers Weekly
Lawyer Spence's guide to winning arguments spent 26 weeks on PW's bestseller list.
Copyright 1996 Reed Business Information, Inc.
From Booklist
A celebrity defense lawyer who garners quantity face-time during publicity-soaked trials, Spence, as attentive O. J.-ers know, is the aw-shucks Wyomingite who hates neckties, prosecutors, bankers, and pretense in general. He also hates losing an argument, which he has rarely done in a courtroom. Here, Spence distills his bar experience into the secrets of his success and translates that into the plain language of the real world of jobs, romance, and child rearing. Spence exhorts readers to believe that the art of arguing is verily the art of living, and aversion to argumentativeness only hinders people from getting what they want. So throughout this disputation, Spence anticipates objections (which he dubs the "Lock" ) and supplies refutations (dubbed the "Key" ). Spence's overall keys to winning are to contend without being contentious, to persuade instead of overwhelming "the Other," and to always be credible. Though discursive in style, Spence's prose is pointedly sharp in essence and displays unself-consciously his own flamboyant personality. Rises above the herd in the conduct-of-life genre. Gilbert Taylor
Review
“How to Argue and Win Every Time is more than just a book about argument; it's the outline on how to live.” ―Larry king
“Gerry Spence is one of America's last true originals--a man who thinks as brilliantly as he lives, who writes as compellingly as he talks, and who practices law as faithfully as most people practice religion.” ―Dan Rather
Most helpful customer reviews
6 of 7 people found the following review helpful.
Successful Communication a Lawyer’s Perspective
By Thomas Wikman
This book is not about how to set up a winning argument providing the best evidence and the best logical case. It is about getting what you want as you communicate with others. People are emotional beings that focus not just on weighing the presented evidence. People have self interests, they are prejudiced, there are emotions and desires, group associations, and then there’s body language, and to get what you want they have to like you, etc. When you argue a case in court, or at home or at work, or to any group of people, you have to consider all of that.
Very briefly; you have to prepare, you have to listen to the other, you have to understand the other, find common ground, and you have to be credible. Therefore you should not avoid emotions and your argument should be personal, and you must always be truthful. Our argument cannot be perceived as a threat or we will never be heard, and assault is not argument. He discusses how to deal with prejudice and hostility and tells us that sometimes losing is winning and sometimes an argument shouldn’t be made at all. He also mentions that telling personal stories is a good way of getting people to see things your way. In addition to advice and guidelines there’s also quite a bit of wisdom and personal opinions, some of which I agree with and some of which I don’t agree with.
One thing I object to is that he sometimes overextends his perspective. For example, there are arguments, or communications, which should avoid emotions and for which the people involved and even their perceived credibility should not matter. I am talking about peer review in natural science and mathematical discourse, which I see as the best path towards “truth”. In that case only the evidence matter and the data and mathematical derivations speak for itself. However, that is outside of his expertise, like so much else that is outside of his expertise. That’s why I titled my review “A Lawyer’s Perspective”.
That does not mean it is not a good book. The book is filled with useful insights and I learned a lot from the book. One of the things I learned from this book is that if I know a lot about a subject and I am arguing with someone who’s very misinformed but stubborn I must resist the temptation to be patronizing, or to crush them. My goal should be to inform them, not to make them hate me. That was just one of many examples of what I’ve learned reading this book. I highly recommend this book.
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful.
Enlightened Book on strategically getting what you really want - appealing to a higher sense of good and love
By Fleming
This is a book on arguing written by a lawyer, but it is sooo much more than that. It is a book on deciding on the outcome you want, and being enlightened, loving, human and decent in your pursuit of that goal. Having gotten divorced in a legal system where honesty was a losing strategy, I loved seeing that the strategies in this book (written in 1986) might have once worked in a better justice system of a different time. However, this is a book that is almost about enlightenment - about arguing to express love, about arguing to get an outcome that brings you closer to a party rather than increasing distance, about arguing to win something decent. I wish this was required reading for all lawyers and judges, and for all parties to a lawsuit, to elevate the level of the discussion and to bring the focus back on what really is desired, rather than the common course of "the lawyers made $300k and no real results got achieved" that is often the outcome of lawyer brokered contentiousness.
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful.
a non-standard approach in dealing with oponents of seemingly superior intelligence
By ndrew73
Using the paradigms in this book, I have conquered many opponents I was reluctant to deal with before due to (mostly) fear. The author has a non-standard approach to creating argumentative energy seemingly out of nothing. If you have the patience to wade through his tree-hugging stuff you will become empowered just by reading some paragraphs about the human weaknesses. If you don't understand what tree-hugging means, it may also be the key to your inability to win some arguments before and is key to unlocking your potential.
Once we understand how to handle our weaknesses and use the power of higher moral ground, truth and integrity we become invincible.
Btw, if you simply want to learn about logical fallacies - get a school book. Simply knowing the logical fallacies didn't help him much in the court cases he tried. He is just cynical enough to convey the reality of life but is not fixated on it while providing all the tools to prepare you for the B.S. that gets thrown at you every day.
There's another book I know of that uses eastern philosophy and some martial arts techniques in dealing with problems - "Aikido in Everyday Life: Giving in to Get Your Way" by Terry Dobson and Victor Miller. In some ways the books are identical.
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